Sunday, April 24, 2005

Nationals and frustration


100_0141
Originally uploaded by harmonia23.
wow this is the totally cute guy that was at nationals he was(is) very cute. me and buri didn't talk to him much but it is nice to dream. Nationals was great I almost felt like killing my crush I swear I wonder how I can still like him. ( I think I am crazy). But in time I will get over him( oh I will I have no choice). I just realized that I still think about snowboy I know that it has been about two years but I just cant shake it from my head. I just can't believe the last words I said to him was goodbye and that I didn't tell him not to go or that I liked him I just wonder if I would have what would have happened. You know what is quite funny I could have easily said I love you to him I really could have. Cause I suspect that I did. Cause if I didn't it still wouldn't hurt this much. When he left I cryed alot. I cryed in biology once just cried.(Joseph kept asking me if I was ok ) I just want to be over this but it just seems like I need some kind of closure. Oh I feel like I am writing about a dead person. He is not dead ,but I guess he has become just that in my life.
Wow I have rambled on again about my stupid feels and past never mind that. the pic is of CHAD the ever known wonder yes that is CHAD(I am joking here if you haven't figured out he is not the ever known wonder. I don't think anybody could be. But he is kinda sorta close) So again Nationals went great even though second team didn't get to quiz. We were the cheer squad and we were apart of it and that was worth being there. So first team got sixth. It is alot better than last year and this up and coming year we are going to strife to get first and we will(of course if it is God's will then we will ). I hav thought more seriously now of maybe going to college there they seem so kind and really walikng with the Lord. Also we visited crown college that was so amazing if it weren't a bible college I would have already applied. There excitement for the Lord is amazing and uplifting. Not to mention there ficialities were beautifull any ways that was a great trip and now I am struggling to get back on track at school. It seems like everything is falling apart. As I observe my tenth grade friends all I can do is hope that the Lord would bless them in the colleges and lifes that they live down the road cause right now they seem to start to lose hope in each other and doubting each other(mind they always work it out and have an amazing ability to be able to leave it behind them) they ahve not yet loss faith in each other completely and hopefully they never will . My friendships are quite vauge at the moment I have at least three different groups of friends I am trying to keep in touch with and it just seems that I am loosing in being apart of any of them. I can't help protect or be there for any of them because I usually dart around trying to talk to all of them. I miss so much by doing it but I don't know a better way.
So as I have expressed my thoughts with the well the world I guess I will just go memorize verses ta ta

P.S. if any of you(Elana,monkey,buri,chii,pants, or daniel I am going to go back to what I was before I used this as a replacement sight.)

-Zofia

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